Somethin' from a long time ago : Part Four

they all huddle in a circle with a pack of cards ... simultaneously Bedboy begins to masturbate

David Thewlis;

Oh go on then

Micheal Caine:

Okay , what’ve we got? What’ve we got?

They all fan out enormous hands of cards wich they study carefully.

James Stuart;

Well ..uh lemme see here uh ...there’s that foreign girl, in the newsagents.

David Thewlis;

Filthy little minx

Robert Shaw;

Eyes you could swim in, and an arse as round and as tight as a drum...

Micheal Caine:

Okay, anyone else?

David Thewlis;

That red-haired one.

Micheal Caine:

What's her name?

David Thewlis;

I dunno but you remember her, she stopped in the street and clasped two books between her thighs while she took off her jumper.

All;

(enthusiastic murmurs of assent)

Robert Shaw;

Tara O’Neill ! (all pause. shocked)

James Stuart;

Tara O’Neill? She must be like sixteen if she’s a day

Robert Shaw;

No-one will ever know

Micheal Caine:

Well just for age balance then, Ciaras’ mum.

James Stuart;

Oh yeah it’s always the mother though- never the daughter I mean he went out with the daughter.

David Thewlis;

Okay then both!

Robert Shaw;

shagging each other with a strap on!(they all look at him)

Micheal Caine:

I like it!

They now play a game like ‘snap’ in tandem with the masturbatory act which takes place in ‘the bed’ with increasing momentum .When the last card is slapped down- Bedboy climaxes They all freeze, and then breath a sigh of relief.

Micheal Caine:

(noticing the last card)Wait a minute , what’s this? (he holds it up)

James Stuart

; what exactly have you got there friend?

David Thewlis;

That’s the fucking dream girl!
(pause)

Robert Shaw;

so she slipped through the net did she?

They all adopt poses of extreme disconsolation

James Stuart;

Slipped through but I don’t understand, I mean we saw the cards ... I mean how could’ve..

David Thewlis;

The fucking subconscious that’s how.

Robert Shaw;

The blind leviathan of the bottomless deep that shadows our vessel ..and waits.

Micheal Caine:

Okay
I think,
we are all in agreement
we have a serious problem here.
A serious problem
That requires serious action ,now
I suggest
We ring a bird
Okay with everyone?

David Thewlis;

I don’t give a fuck what he does - it wont make a fucking difference will it?- that is what we are in the act of discovering is it not?.
Nothing makes a fucking difference!

James Stuart

; Who’re you gonna ring?

Micheal Caine:

I don’t know, I thought we’d have a little look in the phone book.
(Bedboy picks up his mobile and starts scrolling through the menu)

Now let’s see..
there’s Andrea

David Thewlis;

Going out with someone...not attractive

Micheal Caine:

Annette..

James Stuart;

She’s uh.. well y’know she’s uh..expecting a visit from the stork any day now..

Micheal Caine:

Ciara...

Robert Shaw;

Empty waters

Micheal Caine:

and..Oh look! He still has the dream girl’s number..
He watches the others furtively for a moment-and then shouts
DIAL!!!!!!!!!!

( All together )
James Stuart

; Turn it off!-Stop it!

Robert Shaw;

The damage is done! ... she’ll see his number and know he tried to- you bastard Jonah what’ve you done?

A cacophony ensues as they all shout incoherently until the phone is answered then immediate silence.

Dreamgirl;

Hello?

Bedboy;

oh hi, yeah ...it’s me..

Dreamgirl ;

Yeah I saw your number ... whassup

Bedboy ;

Nothing much y’know em I just wondering you know, when I’ll be hearing from the solicitors office.

Dreamgirl ;

Oh..This week it should be

Bedboy ;

oh

David Thewlis;

Put it down! Put it down! Say goodbye and put it down!

Bedboy

So how’s things with you anyway ... any news?

Dreamgirl

No not really- Oh Gerry and Charlene are splitting up

Bedboy;

oh
I guess that seems to be the story these days ... every one splitting up

Dreamgirl;

Yeah.

Bedboy;

;Yeah

Dreamgirl;

(light-heartedly ...trying to make a joke of the situation)

At least they had more sense than to get fucking married.

All;

(react to this with wild silent writhing spasms of agony)

Bedboy;

(humourlessly) I guess so- I’ll see you

Dreamgirl;

Yeah bye
(Bedboy puts down phone)

David Thewlis is hitting Micheal Caine

David Thewlis;

You stupid fucking prick!, you stupid fucking cunting fucking bastard cunt. Shitearse! Fuck!

James Stuart;

What’ll we do now..

David Thewlis;

Shut up! Just fucking...just shutup, shut up everybody not a fucking sound out of you (points at micheal) now we’re just gonna lie here and not think allright?
Not think.
Maybe he can fall asleep again....Maybe I can escape this fucking hell for a few hours because I’m not
I cant
I think I’m getting’ a bit
I just
If you could just
Quiet! Quiet allright?

Silence.They breathe in unison for a minute and slowly the lights go down to absolute blackness. They rise slowly on the bed where Dreamgirl&Bedboy are together. Bedboy wakes up with a start.

Dreamgirl;

Are you okay hun?

Bedboy;
Oh yeah I just .....(incredulous) fuck! ... What a fucking ... ... ....fuck!

Dreamgirl;

What?

Bedboy;

You’re not thinking about leaving me are you?

Dreamgirl;

What?

Bedboy;

”What can I say?- I need you”
She smiles

Bedboy;

”It’s good that you’re here “
She smiles

Bedboy;

” I can only relax when you're here“

She smiles
Bedboy yawns a long and loud yawn all lights go down slowly to total black.

As the last chorus of lilac wine plays.

END